Thursday, December 11, 2014

Day 341.61.2 Dear Santa

'Tis the Season….

Dear Seattle Times:
All I want for Christmas from you is to immediately stop running those insipid pop up ads. Please be advised that I will NEVER buy a product or service from the pimps that chose to slime on your site.

Dear Backers of the Keystone Pipeline:
Please just stop for one moment, empty your pockets of Big Oil bribes, and think about this. No wait, don't think about it at all, just go bathe in hot sweet crude.

Dear NRA backers:
Children should not be considered collateral damage. This has nothing to do with amendments, and all to do with morals, which obviously you are of short supply.

Dear Puget Sound Energy:
We know that the right thing to do is to put your butt ugly wires underground, because it would cost a fortune which you would find some clever way to pass it through to us, so please accept my gratitude for at least advancing renewable power.

Dear GM:
Ditto for non-polluting automobiles.

Dear Montesano:
You want to patent what again? Please, and I hate to put it so bluntly and vulgarly, but go fuck yourself.

Dear NFL:
This is slavery and cheap entertainment on demand. Your pathetic attempts to hide from your responsibilities regarding your slaves concussions has gone on long enough. Man up and face the music Massa.

Dear NCAA:
See above.

Dear Santa:
I am sorry once again to inform you that I have been a bad boy every day since my last note to you, which is dated 355 days ago. Some days I was badder than others. Some days frighteningly bad. I was naughty most of the time, with precious few moments of any type of niceness. So I won't hold out for anything other than what you brought me last year.

Another chance.

Your humble servant,


No comments: