Friday, October 17, 2014

Day 286.7

Out of the blue and into the black.

Friday's have been my 'off-day' for quite a while now. The one day out of seven where I curtail all training in the hopes that a mere 24 hours will somehow miraculously heal all wounds. In the good-old-days this worked well for me. Recovering from a M-F double session routine to prepare for the LSD of the weekend. I think it still does. But for different reasons.

Now I need it for a break. A buffer between those two-a-days and the demands of the weekend. Almost everything in my life has been turned upside down. There remains zero stability, nary a comfort zone and nothing resembling status quo. I am on a mission of living in the present moment. Everything has evolved, changed or been recycled.

This is on the one hand thrilling and on the other terrifying. The terrible twos in a grudge-match of eternal proportions. My heart related issues have caused a series of reactive events that could be labeled catastrophic. I have lost my house, its equity, my savings, my job. I am broke. I am working my way back from surgery and a two year bout with some mysterious, and as yet undiagnosed, heart ailment. It was suggested to me the other day that the retail value of the treatment and procedures I have undergone in the last 18 months would fetch over 400K on today's medical market.

And still I run at 50%. No wonder they always ask if I live alone. I am one breath away from stroking out. SOMEBODY should know. That 911 thing.

Friday in the RV. A downscale of proportion. I like it. I am content and happy, just finishing off a plate of rice and sardines. I am drinking cheap beer. It tastes like happy days in High School on the beach. I keep telling myself that it will be OK.

And it will. Say it again. IT WILL.

I will do the best I can. Something has got to shake. I will find a place to park the Blue Whale. I will get a job. I don't care if it is a holiday temp for I will find somebody who wants simple pleasures and joy. The pacer will work. The sun will shine in my backyard someday.

Out of the grey and into the gold.

Huskies 38, Ducks 37, would be a great way to start.

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