Day 276 Abe

I missed my scheduled run this morning because…well…other stuff seemed to take priority. THAT is the biggest reason why I like working out before anything else. Even if it means getting out of bed at 0430. Which is something you might imagine I am used to by now. I actually kind of like it. Oh yeah, and I also turn out the lights at 9, so there is your trade. I start with this because it makes me sad that my life has become such a 'gamble'. Some days you roll a seven, sometimes snake eyes.

I have been remiss in logging daily 'heart related activity' so I will summarize and move along. There has been nothing major. The usual chest pains and pings, dizziness, shortness of breath, mindfog (I love that one) and other stuff like numbness and hypotension, but nothing to alert the Times about. It has all been pretty normal, dealing with the symptoms and adapting to the stress. Most of the stress anyway, there are some other issues that are building, and affecting my 'peace' but that is another story altogether. In the meantime I try my best to follow the Dalai Llama's sagacity and remember that "Love is the absence of judgment."

Because I can judge with the best of them.

Everybody keeps telling me, and providing some entertaining antidotes, that having a pacemaker installed is a re-birthing of sorts. I listen and smile and nod my head in affirmation, but I am still a long way from total agreement.

On one hand I want to say, 'what have I got to lose?', and on the other, 'no way you are sticking a 'device' in my chest and attaching leads into the very chambers of my heart. No freaking way, Senior Jose.

But I may be over-reacting. Kinda like the day before you are scheduled to have a root canal. Or the night before a big event. Or a first date. Or putting your life savings on red 5. Or running for president (and signing up for an Ironman).

It will all work out OK, right?

I mean either way it will be WAY better than this way it is right now. So….

What have I got to lose?