Monday, June 29, 2015

Day 6.180 Better Late than Never

Maybe it is simply that I am a slow learner.

How could it have taken me more than six decades to understand such an important fundamental concept?

I should have known this since, oh, maybe the Kennedy administration.

We were toting weighted backpacks this afternoon, part of Junior's training, and between my morning and evening spin sessions - part of my training - when I was blindsided by a nano-second of clarity. The proverbial lighting bolt between the eyes.  KA-POW!

I was happy.

The sun was shining, the skies a gradient of blue and bluer, birds were chirping away and every dog on our route was napping on the porch in their charge. My nephew was keeping a steady pace and all I had to do was walk.

Momentarily, I tried to remember what I should have been pissed off about, concerned over, anxious about or afraid of.

There were none to be found anywhere in the files of my internal storage. I searched them all.

And it's not that I don't give a shit, I do, I think it must be that the trauma, the deep questions regarding the three years of tests, diagnosis (at the end), procedures, ER visits, sale of house, loss of job, virtual bankruptcy and medication adaptation, is all done.

I can't change anything. It is, as we say, in the books. (I do, however, still long for my former GF.)

There is nothing that I cannot deal with in the present moment. And I am choosing to deal with whatever comes down this path with awareness, compassion and joy.

The equation must look like this: A+C+J = H.

Where H stands for Happiness.

Are you serious?

I took me 60 years to figure that out?

Truly, it is better late, than never.

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