Monday, June 22, 2015

Day 6.173 Attitude Check complete

My two long rides over the weekend were designed as benchmark tests. I needed to know where I was, and I don't reference geography. GPS will tell me where I am, but only my internal navigator can tell me who I am.

How am I responding to stress?
How is my core strength?
How is my leg strength?
How am I processing fuel?
How is my endurance?
How is my skeletal geometry?

 And by far the most important…
…how is my attitude.?

I second-guessed my motivation on Saturday. We had just reeled off a rollicking 90 minute indoor set, heavy on standing climbs. I was already gassed and ready for a nap. I had also announced the ride and when no-one else stepped-up, I was left with an option. Go or no go.

I went. But with some trepidation.

For the first hour I was still considering a turn-around. No shame in that. But the issue wasn't in that failure, it was the failure of another kind. The inability to test the status, to chart some metric with which I could use as motivation. I have worked too hard since October to reset to zero today.

So on (and on) I peddled. My neck hurt from the backpack. My left knee was twitching, my lower back was sore and with wind in my face the general store where I had indented to fill water bottles, was closed.

This was the turning point. How is my attitude?

You think I will quit over a measly 12 ounces of water? Because I am tired? Because my poor back hurts or because of a relentless head wind?


And I heard a soft whispering voice tell me no-one will ever know. Just you and me.
You can blame it on the store going out of business with the owners not having the courtesy to inform you. Shit happens, things change. And we respond.Simple. Keep moving.

I had forgotten about the series of hills immediately after the store, but by this time me and that voice had come to an agreement.

We had come for answers. We brought no GPS, that didn't natter. We carried no map, no pump and no foul weather gear.

The best questions are answered as a result of the worst conditions.

Attitude check complete. Carry on.

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