I am on my Honda Shadow VT600. We are traveling at 55 miles per hour. The engine is running hotter than normal, I am hearing strange noises and consider, with a measure of paranoia, that they may be emulating from somewhere inside those 35.57 cubic inches I am sitting upon.
Not good.
I get to UW Med I find a free parking space that is 50/50 for getting a parking violation. Since I have no windshield wipers, I wonder where, should they decide to enforce the letter of the law, they will affix the citation. At the very least the time I will spend with the cardiology departments sleep abnormality clinic will give the motor a chance to cool.
The meeting is boring as hell. After an eight page questionnaire, the MD, a pleasant and trim man of about 40 with curly black hair matching in color his shirt and slacks, asks me some questions. His preface announced that he has read my file and would like to detail and isolate some specific areas as to how I spend each night, roughly from the time I go horizontal till the time I return to verticality.
OK, says I, shoot.
How do you sleep? Not very well, thank you.
Do you snore? I don't know, I don't think so. No one has ever accused me of it.
Do you sleep alone? Yes.
Do you exercise? Yes.
Do you drake alcohol? Yes.
Do you take drugs? Only the two prescribed by your colleagues down the hall.
What are they? (I thought you read my file) Warafrin and Amiodarone.
Nothing else? No.
Do you smoke? No.
Do you use marijuana? No, but I am thinking about testing. I used to be pretty adept at falling asleep while stoned.
When was this? In the 70s man.
How is your diet? I have been a vegetarian for twenty years. I recently began to eat fish again, salmon and tuna.
Does your family have a history of insomnia? I don't think so.
Do you get up at night for any reason? Yes. To pee.
Do you have trouble returning to sleep? No, this is a reprieve and the most relaxing time of the night.
OK, he says. We would like to do a sleep apnea test. Is that OK with you?
Yeah sure.
In the meantime please get more exercise, eat mostly veggies and cut back on alcohol consumption.
I resist a sarcastic remark, nod in approval and stand to say good bye. He seems pleased that our session was so productive.
I am walking back towards my bike wondering if there will be a ticket waiting, or worse, if it will even start.
No ticket and I see that the starter switch is stuck.
At least we got that fixed.
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