Deep in AF after our 2x20 session last night (a solid 40 minutes at 85% of FTP), I was again pondering the value/sanity/danger/hope of this practice as I finished another chapter in the Aubrey/Maturin saga and closed my eyes to sleep.
It has become ritual that the first five minutes are an assessment of the current state of my condition. I lay, listen and try like heck to breathe deep and relax. My heart sometimes makes another attempt at a break-out. Truly this is how it feels, the palpitations and pressure almost rock me right off the bed. On other days it is subtle, my heart rate is so slow and shallow that I can't take a reading. It's like I have no pulse.
Last night was calm. I smiled about the clean sheets and sighed a deep exhale of relief.
And when I awoke several hours later in the pre-dawn stillness, five or so minutes before the first 747 lowered landing gears, something was different.
I had a pulse, strong and regular.
I had somehow slipped back into sinus rhythm. Normal and regular.
WOW. It CAN be done!
As often as I use the roller-coaster metaphor to describe this incredibly frustrating circumstance, I am coming more and more to see if more like snaky S-turns, similar to what we learned in moto school, start outside, move inside and back outside. Straighten the curves out as best you can. Keep it steady. Have no fear and look in the direction you want to go.
The beats remain regular, the morning's 60 minute spin challenging. One more 2x20 tonight. I might be responding to the frequency. I think my heart likes the work. As of this moment: So far - So good. Whatever happened last night was a first. A positive and powerful first.
I hope it's not the last.
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