If I tried to apologize for every insensitive word, ignorant action or silly mistake I have ever made, there might not be time for anything else. Yes, the past haunts me, I have done things that I deeply regret. But I try my best not to dwell. I try to forgive myself as I would hope others would forgive me. Sometimes I cringe. There are a few things that shouldn't be forgiven. A few things I should be flogged for.
How could I be so stupid? Why did I say that? What in God's name was I thinking?
After years of analysis (mixed with moderately heavy drinking) I have come up with a few causative possibilities. Please bare with me (you can keep your hat on) and I will attempt to explain.
Improvisation. I like to experiment. Most of the time this is better left to the guys in lab coats or in a laboratory. Pronounce it like Igor please.
Rebelliousness. If there has been one concept with which I have pledged long allegiance, it is civil disobedience. I do not like seamy, corrupt politics. Which by default means I am a rebel. Anarchy forever comrade!
Experimentation. Yep, let's take the road less traveled, or better yet, the road not seen. Adventure and me are pretty good company. From freight trains to epic rides, out of the ordinary, is the way.
Silliness. OK I admit, I can be world-class silly. So what? In a world filled with self righteousness, pompous arrogance and money-grubbing capitalists, I find it refreshing to say fuck you to the conservative credo. Sometimes it helps to laugh in the face of pretentious zealotry.
Ignorance. It is easier to make fun of, as it is to fear, things that I don't understand. Religious fundamentalists and myopic conservatives drive me crazy. You want to torture me? Tie me to a chair and turn on Rush Limbaugh. I'll sing like a canary.
That is about it. In retrospect, I would probably be a lot more 'sane' if I simply shut up and smiled more. But how much fun would that be?
After all, everyone of us shares the path.
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