Monday, July 6, 2015

Day 7.187 Shadow of the Former

I don't know if there will ever be a return to "regular schedule."

Seems everything these days, from cycling to music, it a completely new experience every time out. Truly we are unable to swim in the same flaming river twice.

Change is coming on fast.

Time has reduced me to a shadow of my former physical self as the mind falters and fades grasping for a rope, a ledge, anything with which to hold on to. The good news to this corporal carnage is that my spirit, my very soul, is soaring like never before.

It seems like this is a daily occurrence, dealing with decline, attention to atrophy, facing the truth that reality relentlessly reverberates.

Sometimes it hurts. Like sleeping in the dirt. Like climbing 9% grades, like painful recoveries and abbreviated warm-ups. Like the uncertainties that cause doubt, concern, fear. Is this something I will walk way from?

I am very pleased that my ability to feel compassion is finally on a level with my irritating trait of instant judgement. I practice daily the ritual of letting go, of seeing that my efforts will be rewarded with greater value when I accept and allow, instead of continuing my modus operandi of the precision tuning of delicate situations with a sledge hammer.

It has been a long strange trip. Thank you Robert Hunter.

As much as it felt like yesterday might be that terminus algebraically known as Point B,  the omega, it was simply another weird new challenge. I trust that because it didn't kill me I am stronger.

There will be no more regular. It is all new and exciting. There are no ordinary moments.

I am a shadow of the former.

Way better than casting no shadow at all.

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