Monday, December 15, 2008

Winged Tips

RCV operatives in Iraq are reporting that imprisoned TV reporter Muntadhar al-Zaidi, of the Al-Baghdadia channel, pictured above, is being tested for drug and alcohol abuse to determine his state of mind at the time of the incident. The reporter tossed BOTH his shoes at the POTUS along with the verbal accompaniment, "This is a farewell kiss, you dog".

Shoe tossing, especially in the direction of a President, is in many cultures considered a very aggressive insult, displaying an ultimate form of contempt.

Bush's cat-like reflexes and the US trained security (allowing not only the right, but also the left shoe to be launched), narrowly averted yet another international incident.

When taken into consideration the loss of life (1,297,997 Iraqi Deaths to date)

and the cost to each US citizen
$4,681 per household.
$1,721 per person
$341.4 million per day

One has to wonder why shoe tossing as a deterrent to war has not been used sooner and more frequently, indeed begging the question, is one type of shoe better than others for this specialty purpose?

We searched the archives for data on this subject and humbly submit the following report.

A) The traditional cordovan Wing Tip seems to be the most popular and effective shoe for tossing at lame-duck bureaucrats with a history of preemptive, illegal and devastating wars in the Middle East. Also noted, is the use of the "West Coast Offense" football grip on the shoe. Field notes also suggest that your best bet is to use the shoe opposite your dominant throwing arm for the first strike as most often, this is all you will get.

B) If Wing Tips are not available due to security reasons, the use of any old running shoe will get the point across (deliver the payload). Shown here is an arsenal of Adidas, Mizuno and Saucony (never use Nike), running shoes hanging in storage ordinance, at the ready.

As for the reporters state of mind at the time of the incident, we can only speculate that he was pissed off enough to donate his shoes for the sake of his fallen brethren, his occupied, humiliated and destroyed city and the total disrespect and abuse shown by the recipient of his charity (since 2003).

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