Please ask Now

It was dark. I was alone. A steady drizzle silently dampened my already soggy psyche. I had been thoroughly beaten in two games of chess by my nine year old nephew, the latter of which ended with my concession, a concept foreign to each. Adding humiliation to hurt, I then watched my University of Washington Huskies put up 56 points against Baylor, only to lose by 11. Serious punch in the nose. By the time the "game" had ended I had polished off a rather copious amount of sangiovesse and was feeling a touch, well, obscure. I was doubting all I knew and held to be true.

I usually know what I want. I am usually satisfied with the ways and means, the work required to achieve. I enjoy the process, and find tremendous rewards in hard effort and focus. I truly enjoy the ride, even the times when it seems we have two wheels in the ditch. But last night I felt overloaded with doubt. I needed my mojo adjusted. And set out into the bleak night for a little walk. And talk.

Where is the meaning? What is the message? What can I take from all this defeat, loss, surrender, agony? Am I getting it? Will I? What would Attila the Hun do? WWJD? Whose fanny would Chuck Norris kick? How do I get those two steel-belted radials outta the ditch and back on the track?

As my walking meditation circled the tranquil park pond, some interesting ideas began to appear, like stars from behind storm clouds. I tried to bring them into focus and saw some familiar fonts flash and fade. Was I forcing this, is this random or could this be one of those magic, mystical, miraculous and motivational moments we hear about, but never quite, fully, experience.

Persistence.

Effort.

Work.

Patience.

Dedication.

Commitment.

There will be pain. You will suffer. This is a part of that. You must experience this to get to that. It is part of the plan. There is a bigger picture here. Hold on to your dream. Do not let go. Your ability to persevere will be tested. Your understanding of, and ability to manage suffering will be continually challenged. You can rise above. You will see the first glow of the new day with fresh eyes, if you so choose. Open your heart. There is no-one else than can do this for you, but you are not alone. If you choose to continue you will encounter levels of growth unlike any before. You must ask your soul if this is what you are here to do. Please ask now.

Silence.

Darkness.

Rain.

A gust of wind brushed past my cheek and was gone.

Along with my doubts.