Friday, December 2, 2011

Cows and Choice

Hey fellas have ya heard the news?


It is officially December. You may have noticed that it is literally freezing outside, and in some drafty ramshackles, close to it inside. Burrrrrrr. Before we really get going today, please check out this wonderful (retro) motivational commercial from some outfit in Beaverton, OR.


You have some choices to make. You might be tempted to hibernate by the fire for a spell, add another layer of insulation for the rumored Ice Age II, or sleep 12 hours a night under down comforter. These actions I highly recommend to all competitors in my age group. PLEASE DO THIS FELLAS. Slow down to the speed of cold molasses, atrophy, watch TV till your eyes pop out of your heads, drink gallons of cheap beer and throw back sacks of stale nachos. Want a strategy for the month? Ben & Jerry's, Wal-Mart and FaceBook. That way you can:


Fatten up

Consume

Waste time


A great plan IF YOU ARE A MALL SANTA!!


If you are not, please continue scanning.


December is important if you are planning on being active in the Spring. It is CRUCIAL if you plan on racing. So what, exactly, does it take to get us doing what we know we need to do? And there are really only two things, lighten up and work out. The old up and out. Diet & Exercise.


I will assume that you have some regular form of employment and that your education, housing and freedoms are not compromised requiring 24/7 focus, therefore, YOUR HEALTH IS.


As usual I have a solution for you. You need motivation. Hence, in order to get you into a regular exercise program, I could:


Threaten you with heart related disease data

Scare you with diabetes stats

Warn you about stress related maladies

Educate you about the myriad benefits of regular (high-intensity) exercise

Lead you by example

Challenge you to become a better you

Influence your decision to act through devious marketing tactics

Offer cash incentives

Provide a plethora of success stories

Shut up and spin

Market the heck out of the new CT Multi-Rider center


We have a program in place that accomplishes all of the above. You are a professional. You are successful. You live and pay taxes in a beautiful, democratic, more-often-than-not uplifting and enriching community. Life is good (despite the economy).


But the aging process is relentless as time marches ever onward. You need to take immediate, appropriate and proven steps to ensure your present and future quality of life. You know this to be true. Do not put this off another day. Dump the denial. Say this to yourself in the mirror: I own this day. Then put into your gym bag the following:


One water bottle

A pair of cycling shorts

A technical garment (cycling jersey)

A cap or sweat band

Cycling shoes if you have them or running shoes if not

An apple or banana


At 0700 tomorrow morning, the 3rd of December, 2011, bring all that stuff to the Bainbridge Athletic Club, go to the front desk and tell Bernadette you have a guest pass from Kevin. She will give you a locker key and a big, clean, white fuzzy shower towel. Change into the clothes in your bag, walk down the hall, enter the House of Mirth, announce your presence and desire to start your new life-changing routine, and I will…..


Take it from there. That is a promise. I will change your life forever. That is not a brag, it is a fact. Gimme 90 minutes. Not a lot to ask.


Or you can, like millions of others, fatten up, consume and waste time.


Your choice. BTW, I love Ben & Jerry's.

5 comments:

ej said...

so you're telling people to arrive one half hour early, smart

Bob P said...

Almost ready to race again. Post marathon "let down" combined with our cold, dark NW days has sapped my motivation this week. HoM tomorrow sounds like a plan. Maybe a Time trial next week?

KML5 said...

I need to get in a fresh TT as well. Wanna shoot for Friday?

Bob P said...

Next Friday should work for me.

KML5 said...

Great, I'll see if I can set up a foursome. 5pm work?