Sunday, May 24, 2015

Day 5.144 Nothing

It was at it again last night.

So far the NAP (no alcohol period) now entering DAY THREE, hasn't provide much in the way of sleep benefits.

To be fair, I realize that these things don't happen, ahem, overnight, but the continuance of the wacko dreams is getting a little tiresome.

Last night was highly entertaining.

I swapped out the IPA and cheese sandwiches (per instructions) for grilled salmon, white pop corn with pepper flakes and Asiago, ice water with limes and four delicious apricots.

Made it through five episodes of Season Five, a fucking ass-kicker. Take down the POTUS Jack!

Gulped a melatonin and two Tums and went horizontal.

Usually this is when I become hyper aware of the imbalance and feel the irregularities. But I was calm, relaxed and ready for some serious REMs.

I don't quite remember the first part, but act two matched Jack's heroics to the T.

I woke (or went deeper) knowing that the timer was running and I had to……..

….get up, run around the house like I was being chased, fall down and make it appear that I was injured and unconscious, and then (this is the good part) document all this by taking a selfie and e-mailing it as proof that I was in compliance with both the rouse and its time. It HAD to be done by 0400.

After the fall (should have hired a stunt man) and the selfie I was fumbling with the 'send to' function on my pathetically decrepit iPhone. I was alert enough to know that I really didn't want to send it to a business contact or client so that meant sending it to myself. Good thinking, even for a sleepwalking zombie with fluorescent pink hair.

I stood and wondered if sending to self was protocol, sweat pouring from brow. Looking at the clock on the phone I saw that I had twenty seconds to decide.

I took one last snap (not liking the priors) and with one second remaining on the clock, sent it to myself.

Returning to the futon, exhausted but pleased, I thought to myself, 'you know that was all a dream, don't you? That you are now officially the biggest idiot on this, or perhaps any other planet? Possibly you should try sleep again.

I roll out of bed to start the day and remember the drama. I'll prove that this really happened. The self e-mail! Yes.

Patronizingly I delay the satisfaction and make coffee. I sit down and open my e-mail.


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