Let it Grow

 198.

Seed planted, I see my stewardship to entail water and sun. Feed and weed as my uncle from California's Central Valley used to say. Julie, in conjunction with Harlan, assuming the 'next up' role in our rusty chain of command, have developed a plan. The plan was delivered to my doorstep, my small farm, for consideration. It took me less time than it takes to yank a ripe carrot from the ground to get the picture and volunteer wholeheartedly for its roster.

Sure there are problems, issues, questions, doubts, considerable risk and less than a 10% chance of success - a rather pessimistic and crude number I pulled from my cap - but a starting point nonetheless. We are here (in whatever condition) and it is now (as always).

Julie has another meeting with Hartaugh today, the main topic being that of moving forward with either dissolution or discovery. I trust her to present a very rough, yet enticing, outline of the plan we discussed yesterday, the Plan One gambit featuring my reveal of the 'behind the scenes' story of what went down (way down) on that fateful day eight months ago. I also trust her to make the presentation compelling enough that Hartaugh will take the bait.

Anticipating her success, I begin scripting my part in this dramatic tragedy. As I do so it seems I must multitask its creation with the physical reality that my delivery vehicle is in desperate need of urgent repair. 'Broke down and rusted out', my uncle used to say. The need for multi-tasking obvious, I isolate a pair of cash crops to hoe and fertilize as I continue physical therapy.

It is a walking meditation as I stretch hamstrings, glutes and quads, trying to balance them in whatever harmonious grace I can generate. Faithful to the attention and focus necessary for right effort, I develop a somewhat macabre dance step, a painfully slow two-part shuffle. Zombie-like I take a step forward with my right foot and slide (more of a drag) the left to meet it. Here I pause, re-establish balance, take a breath and allow my mind to use the interval to process data and develop the plan. I allow thirty seconds for this and then the dance continues. As I practice this, as I gain strength, confidence and endurance, as my body responds to the stress in a positive way, the plan begins to emerge, vague, out of focus and distant at first, but gaining clarity with the frequency of effort.

And then an interesting thing happens.

As my practice continues, I am working this dance, doing this maintenance, the care and nurturing of my crop, three times a day, I feel the presence of another power source. There is a light shining brighter and brighter in the direction of my resolve. The light is feeding my body and illuminating the view along this treacherous path of discovery. It is a light so powerful, so pristine, so pure, that I must close my eyes to see.

It is my spirit reaffirming that right effort and mindfulness make the vision. And the vision is without failure.

It will grow.