A Verdant Valley of Peace

184. I am being pummeled by the bad news of this heavyweight. The left cross of TOM and the right hook of The Queen - sandwiched between the series of Saunders jabs - has me dizzy and damaged. I feel saved by the bell until the reveal that the bell is actually a frantic staccato of beeps from the EKG machine indicating that I have reached critical mass heart rate. Acting like a referee, the doctor waves Davis to his corner, asks for my compliance in an immediate deep breathing effort and moves to twist a dial on one of the tanks stationed at bedside. I feel the immediate effect and drift out of the ring and into a foggy limbo. Experience warns me that I am too weak to continue this bout. As counter I opt for a temporary retreat to live to fight another day. I am in a dark forest falling involuntarily down a narrow path. I try to hit the brakes but my knees instantly buckle and balk. The erie sound of feral beasts moves towards me as I try to stop the slide. I feel my fingernails try to set into tree trunks and scream as they are bent backwards in the futile attempt. This is not my fault. It is a trick. Some new drug designed to break my spirit, a test. A flash of light acts as a edit point between scenes. I am back at the top of the hill, see the forest and step into the trail. Immediately I start the fall, like we used to play on the slip n slide as kids. No stopping once begun. The scent of my memory swirls in the moist air. I have been here before. I see a tree and recall my earlier failure. Might have been a lesson. I look at by bloody right hand and think, yup. I hear the beasts, louder, closer and it seems in greater number. This is NOT my fault. I am the victim in this nightmare. Another flash and I stand atop the hill. I KNOW what is going to happen if I step, onto…the…path I will…but it is habit now and the insanity of doing the same thing again and again hoping for a different outcome is lost on me. The tree passes, the knees stay busted and I hear the animal's bloodthirsty caterwaul of pending sustenance. I am aghast with my stubborn insistence that someone other than myself is responsible for this. Flash. Forest. Trail. Tree. Bloody palm. Animals snarling with the overdue arrival of dinner. ALRIGHT IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT. I accept the responsibility. I am sorry people got hurt. Given the opportunity I will make it right. Flash. Forest. Trailhead. I walk past it and into a verdant valley of peace.