A Spark of Hope

 189.

Everyone has left the room but Julie. She is holding my hand, fighting back tears. I cannot discern whether they are of sadness, pity, hope or joy. I feel, however, invigorated and empowered by the news, at least the closing summation offered by the Neurologist. I clear my scratchy throat and echo in my new voice the three words that are to become my mantra,

"There is Hope."

This refrain brings a quick smile to her face and I know that she knows it comes from a deep place of sincerity and total commitment. She knows me well. I will not give up. Had I of joined the Marines, as my father did, instead of the Navy my tagline would have been 'always faithful', never-say-die. She knows also that I will give the proverbial 110% in the effort, and I think this might be partially the reason for her concern because that fierce hard-line attitude, one she has witnessed in the heat of many battles, could very well be my demise.

"There is always Hope," she says with equal parts sympathy and compassion.

I want to squeeze her hand to cement the agreement but cannot control the torque of my fingers. I recall the term, the nodes of Raniver, and try again. Disconnect, lines down, no communication. I grimace. Not from pain but from the failed test. Noting my facial articulation, she asks,

"What is it, anything I can do"

I swallow the remaining saliva and string together what I envision to be a request but upon delivery sounds more like a command.

"I need a rehab timeline, what happen to TOM and please update me on The Queen."

Julie is taken aback by my longest complete sentence since my 'return.' She stands upright, still clutching my hand and dons her professional game face.

"You need rest. I will have a complete brief ready for you in the morning. We can go over it together because it will be verbal. Security is tight and we are not out of the woods. No paper trails. Now try to get some sleep."

Satisfied with the plan I try again to squeeze her hand. I feel a slight electrical tinge in my index finger and I consider that she may have felt it also. It may as well have been a thousand volts of emotional current, or what I recall as our first kiss.

A spark of hope from the nodes of Raniver.