Is something keeping me from my goals?
Am I lazy?
Am I weak?
Am I stupid?
Am I addicted?
Am I chronically distracted?
Am I indigent?
Am I afraid?
Ah, fear. Fear of?
Failure?
Success?
Ridicule?
Embarrassment
Homelessness?
Injury?
Stress?
Ah, stress.
The good medical staff at UW Medicine wants me to undergo a thorough psychological work-up to determine whether (or not) stress is playing a part in all this. Starts with a sleep-over in their posh honeymoon-is-over suite to eliminate the sleep apnea possibility. After that a chat with the staff shrink. Remember it was my PCP, my PAC actually, that initially suggested that with all the shit that has passed under my bridge I HAVE TO BE DEPRESSED.
I keep telling them I am NOT depressed but I got to thinking on my run today that I really don't know what that feels like.
Like fear?
Like a hangover?
Like AFib?
Like indigestion?
Like extreme sadness?
Like insomnia?
Like food poisoning?
Like a concussion?
Ah, brain trauma.
Been there too. Blurry vision and a constant high pitch ringing (around 3K kHz). Dizziness and syncope. I have leaned to manage it decently but when additional symptoms arise the combination is a monster.
Ah monsters.
Like Godzilla?
Like an Orc?
Like Hannibal Lecter?
Like fear?
No comments:
Post a Comment